Sezane blouse (similar)
Grlfrnd jeans (c/o REVOLVE)
Mango shoes
Daniel Wellington watch (c/o)
Madewell rings
Old Navy earrings (c/o Ivanhoe Cambridge) (similar)
Les Miserables by Victor Hugo
Location: Osborne Village – Winnipeg, Manitoba
Now that you know the story of my major friendship break-up, it’s time to get down to details. With the benefit of hindsight (which we know is always 20/20), I know there is so much I would do differently if I went through that scenario again. If you’re living through it right now yourself, or in case you ever do, these are my top tips for navigating what is inevitably an awkward and painful situation. I cannot give you advice that will make managing a difficult friendship magically easy – but these tips will make what is always a difficult situation just a little bit less hard.
…even if the conversation is uncomfortable. Which it probably will be, I won’t lie. Temporary pain is always worth it for long-term gain. Poor communication, or a total lack of it, is often at the root of difficulties in any relationship, friendships included. The things we regret are most often the ones we didn’t do or say. I don’t mean that you should lash out and say whatever comes to mind when you’re angry. But addressing smaller relationship problems in an open conversation can help to prevent them from becoming big problems. After all, no one can know what we don’t tell them.
…if the current parameters no longer work for you Sometimes, a friendship doesn’t need to end, it just needs a reset. If you have a truly good friend with whom you’ve hit a rough patch, talking things through and figuring out what will work for you both in order to help you move forward as friends, will still suck. It means taking on uncomfortable topics that you might never have intended to acknowledge out loud and working through them together. But if the alternative is losing the friendship entirely, it’s worth making the effort.
…and know that it will be just as hard to end a friendship as it is to end a romantic relationship. Sometimes, a friendship runs its course. Sometimes, your feelings for a friend change. And sometimes, sadly, a friendship can become toxic or abusive. Whatever the situation is, if a friendship isn’t working for you anymore, you have a right to be honest about that. Even if it means saying, “I don’t think we should see each other anymore.”
…because in the end, saying all of those awful things you’re thinking will make you feel worse, rather than better. And words spoken can never truly be unsaid. An apology, no matter how heartfelt, will never truly erase the damage done. You will have to live with the memory of what you wish you hadn’t said – and its likely that’s how your friend will remember you, too. The end of any relationship isn’t a happy occasion. No one will congratulate you or send you flowers for getting someone out of your life. How you feel whenever it’s all over is really up to you – and if you can avoid arguments and acrimony, you will feel better for it.
Never. Period. Just don’t do it. This remains my biggest regret about my own friendship break-up; I allowed myself to be convinced to discuss big problems via email. An email exchange is not the same as a face-to-face conversation. Neither is a phone call. Body language plays such an important part in our communication, and if you can’t see the person you’re talking to, you miss a big part of the conversation. Beyond that, no matter how you may feel about someone, even if you spend most of your time wanting to strangle them, it’s important to remember that they were once someone you loved and respected. And if you love and respect someone, you extend them the courtesy of delivering bad news in person. It’s just common decency.
That’s the best advice I can offer. But this isn’t all about me. So tell me – have you ever ended a friendship? And if you have, what did you learn from that experience?
I absolutely love the statement “Know that a friendship, like any relationship, is one you can end…” I think, rationally, we all know that but it’s the easiest thing to forget when you in the midst of a relationship, especially a tumultuous or unsatisfying one. This is such an important thing to be mindful of.
Courtney ~ Sartorial Sidelines
I think friendships and even all relationships are going to be so much harder for the younger generations because so much communication will be done via text, so much is lost, and it is so easy to be cruel.
Chic on the Cheap
This is all such good advice!! I’ve been lucky to know the best of people in my adult years, or experience has taught me to be wary of certain ones. But if I did need to deal with something… these are the tips I would rely on. Also on a separate note, adore these photos of you, your decor + outfit are absolutely beautiful. Chat oh-so-soon. Yay, yay!!! xo
http://www.veronikanovotny.com (life + style blog)