Another Year

Zara blouse (similar)
Levi’s jeans
Minelli boots (similar)
Louis Vuitton handbag
Vintage belt (similar)
Zara sunglasses (similar)
Mango earrings
Location: The Manitoba Legislature – Winnipeg, Manitoba

And so, just like that, we find ourselves at the end of another year. Okay, not quite – but Christmas is a week away now, and this will be the last outfit that I share in the year 2019. Another year. In many ways, it feels like this one just began. In others, it feels like I’ve managed to pack enough action into this one for two years or more. It’s been busy. And yet, rather than feeling I’ve had no time to reflect, the constant flurry of activity means that I’m always on the go, always thinking, always looking back at lessons learned.

And I have learned so much this year.

2019 was not just another year. It certainly wasn’t the year that I expected. I started it with the same job I’d been doing for five years and plans for Paris. Twelve months later, I am ending it ten months into a new job that has tested every single one of my limits – and my patience most of all. We’ve had so many adventures – Paris, Bordeaux, Vancouver, Minneapolis, Athens, Hydra, New York. But we’ve also experienced a fair amount of personal upheavel. We’ve taken risks, and they haven’t all panned out. But looking back, I know it’s all been worth it – our failures have, rather than scaring me into submission, convinced me more than ever of the truth in the phrase Qui audet adipiscitur. Who dares wins.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

I’ve never been shy. But, like most women, I have often put myself second, prioritising the comfort of people around me over my own happiness. In my life, I have all too often hesitated to speak up for myself out of fear of making people uncomfortable, only to regret my silence later. This was the year that I gave up, fully and finally, on diminishing myself to please others while simulataneously embracing the idea that we can all agree to disagree and still go on with life. Some of my opinions are unpopular. I often disagree with prevailing wisdom. Both of those things are okay – and voicing them is, too. Not everyone will like it, but if I measured and reasonable in my delivery, they will be willing to listen, anyway. Occasionally, they might even be convinced.

…I’m pretty sure that no one is more surprised by that than me.

But 2019 hasn’t just been a lesson in trying and daring. After two and a half years in Winnipeg, I’ve found myself questioning, with increasing frequency, if a low cost of living is really enough of a reason to choose to live somewhere. We have connections in the city that brought us here, of course, but I don’t know how long those will realistically compel us to stay. Every place comes with a unique set of challenges. And I’ve seen the challenges in my hometown with more clarity this year, as we’ve truly settled into life here. I don’t know yet what that means. But 2020 is another year, and as it begins, the question of how we define home will be on my mind once again.

Because the fact is, it isn’t so much about where we want to live but as it is about how we want to live. We’ve been more or less nomadic for the past decade and a half, moving homes and cities about every two years. It might be that that, while it flouts traditional cultural paradigms, is what makes sense for us. And if that’s the case, we will have to sort out how to make it work. There’s no reason not to try. Qui audet adipiscitur, after all.

The one thing I have not learned this year is how to plan and structure these posts so that they contain actual information. I still sit down and type them out, stream of consciousness style, in my evenings after work, usually with no fixed idea in mind before I start. I don’t know if it really works all the time. But it works for me. My approach to writing is similar to my approach to outfits lately – spontaneous and a little frantic. Since both are really just for me, I’m accepting those facts for what they are. I’ve learned a lot about letting go of what doesn’t matter this year, too. My perfectionism has abated, in many ways. I don’t have time for perfect. Not anymore. But I have time to get it done, and that’s enough.

2019 wasn’t just another year, but that’s also exactly what it was. And 2020 will be the same. A year of living and lessons, failures and triumphs, probably with a few minor calamities thrown in. If I have my way, there will be a lot of fabulous new shoes, too. And a lot of new adventures to photograph.

However 2019 is winding up for year, I hope you’re happy. Happy holidays, my dear friends. Thank-you for being here.

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