H&M cardigan
Realisation Par… skirt
Monica Vinader necklace (c/o)
Linjer ring (c/o) (similar)
Mejuri earrings (similar)
Location: Osborne Village – Winnipeg, Manitoba
…for what, though? I’m not sure I really know anymore. I’m impatiently waiting for something, but when it arrives, will I even recognise it? I can’t be certain.
When the pandemic first started, and we thought surely that lockdown would just be a matter of weeks, getting creative with shooting photos in our own space was a novel concept. That novelty lasted several months longer than I anticipated. And it yielded some results that I’m really quite proud of, I admit. But two years later, I find myself heaving an internal sigh every time I share another set of photos featuring our living room floor.
I want to be out in the world, living my life. But the fact is, even if I could be, the weather wouldn’t really permit it just yet. And it’s really quite a bit more complicated than just going out and living my life because that’s what I want. We now inhabit a reality where masks and social distancing are no longer required but the virus that made them necessary continues to circulate. And even if I can make my peace with that, which is up for debate… maybe after we’ve been on vacation and returned safely?… what is it that I’m so impatiently waiting for? Do I really think I can just pick up my life where I left it in March 2020 and carry on like nothing has happened in between?
Part of me probably does. But that isn’t the way it’s going to work. Time has continued to move on since that first lockdown, even if we have little to show for it. I’ve celebrated two birthdays, worked through the transition to a senior management role at work and bought countless pairs of shoes I’ve never worn outside my apartment. I’m older, less trusting of strangers and, admittedly, quite a lot more risk averse than I used to be. I’m not sure that I know how to live the way I used to now. And even if I can pick it back up again, I’m not totally convinced that I’ll want to.
So what is it, exactly, that I’m impatiently waiting for? Maybe it’s the ability to make my own choices, rather than allowing circumstances to dictate them for me. The ability to act on impulses occasionally, the way I so often used to… the ability to just book that plane ticket, or meet that friend for Wednesday night drinks or dash out to a store to try on a pair of shoes that caught my eye. Maybe it’s just to feel carefree, the way I didn’t realise that I did until the day that feeling dissipated.
…yeah. I think that’s probably it.
