Zara coat (similar)
Leyn sweater (c/o) (similar)
H&M trousers
Zara boots (similar)
The New Yorker tote (similar)
RayBan sunglasses
Zara gloves (similar)
Stella & Dot necklace
Mejuri earrings (similar)
Location: The Manitoba Legislature – Winnipeg, Manitoba
What is good enough? This is a question that I’ve routinely asked myself over the years, but that I repeat with increasing frequency as our months of social isolation drag on. I’ve always set an impossibly extremely high standard for myself that looks a lot like perfectionism a lot of the time. But in the past three years, I’ve done a lot of personal work to break those lifetime perfectionist habits. So why is it, with every passing week, that I feel like I’m somehow failing or not measuring up?
Maybe this is just pandemic fatigue – an ongoing sense of wanting to be good enough but not being able to intellectually understand what good enough looks like in an environment where there can be no basis for comparison. I don’t know. Just like everyone else, I’ve never been here before. What I do know is that no matter what I do – no matter how much, no matter how quickly or efficiently, it just doesn’t feel like it is enough, or that it’s done well enough, or like I can truly keep my head above water.
This past weekend, I took some extra days away from work. I was deliberate about not turning my work computer on, a bad habit I’ve gotten into during vacations in the past year since there was nothing like travel to keep me out of my inbox. I loved every minute of those three days, but all it took was a few hours back at my desk to put me right back where I was on Thursday afternoon – feeling like I will never be able to do it all and like what I am doing just doesn’t meet the mark of good enough.
My perceived failure to be good enough is, as far as I can tell, based on absolutely no empirical evidence. It’s a feeling, not a fact. And that’s part of the reason why I chose to share these photos today. While work is an area where I’ve really struggled this year, it’s not the only area where I’ve felt like I’ve failed to pass muster. I’ve thrown out more photoshoots this year than I have in all the years I’ve written this blog combined. I’m quick to pass judgement on myself, quicker to allow that judgement to be negative and swift in my willingness to give up on things only to start over on the same work another day.
The compulsion to throw this shoot away was strong. It wasn’t an ideal hair day, and my trousers and sweater weren’t quite working together. I could go on, picking nits – I’ve gone over it all in my head a dozen times. But I won’t, because that’s not the point. The point is that sometimes, good enough is good enough. We took photos, and the act of taking them was enough, so I am posting them to prove it… to myself more so than anyone else. The effort counts. Perfection is not required.
Here’s hoping that if I keep faking that I believe that, maybe, eventually, I actually will.
We’re all experiencing the ongoing effects of social isolation differently, and with different degrees of success. How are you managing?
It is most definitely a feeling and not a fact – and honestly one that I feel constantly throughout my life. I used to think it was a holdover from the constant sense of imposter syndrome at grad school but when I really think about it, it existed for me before then and persists still. I think it’s something deeper and darker and all this isolation has shone a very bright spotlight on it. Also, I’m glad you didn’t scrap these photos because I think they came out pretty great and I really love the outfit.
Courtney ~ Sartorial Sidelines
Yay!! I spy a pretty necklace! And yes, say it, and say it again!! I’m all for good enough. I’ve been there – had one too many things I didn’t like about my outfit, or the photos, and almost didn’t post. But then, showing up, and doing it, deserves to be celebrated. And in my opinion this outfit is most certainly meant to be seen!! xo
My Curated Wardrobe