Zara tank (similar)
Wilfred culottes (similar)
Zara sandals (similar)
Zara sunglasses (similar)
Celine necklace (similar)
Vintage necklace (similar)
& Other Stories necklace
Daisy London earrings (c/o)
Location: Osborne Village – Winnipeg, Manitoba
I was starting to feel hopeful, last week. We were approaching two weeks with no new infections, and the implementation of phase four of reopening seemed likely to be just weeks away. I went on a picnic with a friend I haven’t seen since March – almost four months to the day since we last saw each other, in fact. And met another friend for drinks on a patio. Life, it seemed, was approaching something I could recognise as normal. I had what I knew were likely futile hopes, but still hopes, of the Quarantine Act being revoked in time for us to travel to Europe in September.
But it was a false start. I should have known, in retrospect. The fact that things seemed under control here, even almost normal, allowed me to temporarily ignore forget what I was reading in the news about reality almost everywhere else in the world. It allowed me to tell myself that under control and normal are the same thing, which isn’t true, either. Take steps to get anything under control doesn’t necessarily mean it will stay under control if you start to scale back on those efforts.
We learned that, this week. After thirteen days without a new infection, there were five in our province, all related to travel. There went my hopes of a holiday – how could I possibly consider it, I asked myself, if it meant I could put other people at risk? There, too, went feeling that frequenting restaurants was reasonably safe again. After all, there is no guarantee that people will behave responsibly after travel or exposure. And I am not quick to trust anyone outside of myself, so leaving my fate in the hands of strangers at the local pub is a stretch for me at the best of times.
A false start is a painful thing to watch, in a track and field meet. All the runners stand, tensed and ready, at the starting line. A single wrong move, even a twitch, before the starting gun fires can be the difference between a chance at victory and a psychological defeat. There is almost nothing more disheartening than watching the runner who starts that second too soon walk back, humiliated by their own eagerness, to the starting line for a second try. It is often better than the first, but rarely goes truly well.
That’s a bit how I felt this week: humiliated by my own eagerness. The reality is, very little has changed aside from my perception of the events going on around me. I just so badly want to go back to something resembling normal that I allowed myself to pretend that was a realistic wish. Maybe that’s what I needed. I can’t blame myself for it, not really. After all, I know very few people who wouldn’t gladly repeat last summer rather than living this one. It was comforting to feel a little bit like I felt then, even if it was only for a little while.
One false start isn’t the end of the world, of course; in fact, it’s not even that unusual. In life, unlike track and field, we constantly readjust and reset, starting over and trying again where we’ve failed before. That’s where I’m at right now. I’m feeling less hopeful, to be sure, but that means I’m less likely to be disappointed by the months to come. And things will get better, in those months. Some day, they will even be normal again. We will slowly forget what it was like to live through 2020. We just aren’t quite there yet, no matter how much I may wish we were.
I feel like I reached a point in June when I pretty much lost all hope of anything even resembling normal returning to my life before January. And knowing that’s six months away and that, even then, it might not happen, is crushing to consider. That said, I am planning a camping trip with a few friends where we’ll all be very spread out, in masks, and outside the entire time and, while it’s not the proper trip I want or the relaxed dinner outing at a favourite restaurant that I’m also craving, I’m deliriously excited about it.
Courtney ~ Sartorial Sidelines
I love the layered necklaces with that neckline! 🙂
they dashed our hopes here when things started reopening with Qantas saying that they don’t see international travel reopening this year at all, which is frustrating but understandable given how cases are going in other countries, and also our outbreak in another state. We were enjoying playgrounds and just browsing shops again, but we are back to ordering online and just visiting playground free places like beaches and bush trails, just to keep safe and keep our distance as I guess you never really know…at least we are still able to see family and friends again!
Hope that you are having a nice week 🙂
While the US has been beating all sorts of records with new cases, I can relate to your feelings that maybe things were moving in the right direction; Connecticut at least has been having declines, so much talk that being outside is the safest way to be in public that visiting a restaurant has felt possible, most people going retail shopping are considerate about wearing masks and social distancing (I have had to make some, ahem, returns and try not to get too tempted to stay and shop), and the false feeling of ‘safe’ has crept in. But then I look at the news in the rest of the country and remember, oh yeah, nothing has changed, things are not normal.
(also loved this knit top so much I hunted it down after seeing it in your stories (I took a guess it had to be from one of your usual shops, haha, but sadly even the large was too tight on me and the knit too thick to bear during out humid summers.)