Pause and Reset

Wilfred blazer (c/o) (similar)
& Other Stories t-shirt
Mavi jeans (c/o)
Aldo boots
Chupi necklace (c/o)
Linjer rings (c/o) (similar)
Location: Osborne Village – Winnipeg, Manitoba

Week seven in quarantine. I remember when ten days indoors felt like a long time. And then went twenty days didn’t actually feel as bad as I expected. I just adjusted, because we all did – and do.

This week, I’ve decided to take a pause and reset. I didn’t plan it at all – very little forethought or conscious reflection went into my decision to skip my workouts on Monday in favour of watching TV in the afternoon. It just happened. The thing is, I’ve been reading all about slowing down and how we need to be gentle with ourselves in this situation, which is like nothing any of us have ever experienced. I’ve spent my work days preaching the ideology of self-care and holistic wellness to Type A people like me who struggle to ask for help at the best of times. That’s part of my job.

But somehow, I can’t seem to apply all the good advice I know how to give to other people to my own life. Intellectually, I understand what self-care looks like. I know what it means not to constantly push yourself to do and be and achieve more. And yet, so far, my experience of life in quarantine has largely consisted of doing all the things. I’ve taken up every single indoor activity that I’ve wanted to try but not previously found time for – painting, trying new recipes, reading more of the classics, finishing my third book, experimenting with daily barre workouts on top of my already pretty punishing exercise routine. That’s not a bad thing, necessarily. There are an awful lot of hours in the day when you have nowhere to go, it turns out.

And yet, after six weeks of feeling mostly pretty damn good considering the circumstances, I’m tired. (Which will come as no surprise to anyone other than, apparently, me.) I don’t want to still be inside with my life on hold and feel increasingly resentful of people around me who are not doing their part to limit the spread of COVID-19. I am struggling, as I often do, to accept that the only person whose behaviour I can actually control is my own. But rather than pause to acknowledge that, I continue to channel my feelings into constant productivity.

Last week proved to be relatively emotionally fraught for what was, to be frank, no good reason. By Sunday night, when I should have been getting ready for the approaching work week, I still needed to blow off steam – and, as a result, stayed up way too late just because I’m an adult, so I can do that if I want to.

…yep. That happened. I’m not proud of it.

So I’m taking a week off from structured activity. There will be no box-ticking, no doing a workout just because that’s what I do at 4 pm, no adding new projects to my to-do list. We all need a pause sometimes. It’s important to hit the reset button if we need to. And I know that if I were speaking to anyone other than myself about this, I would say that it’s not only okay to check in with yourself once in a while, it’s actually advisable. It’s time I took my own advice.

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