January | February | March | April | May | June | July | August | September | October | November | December
2019 was, in many ways, a year of contrasts – flying highs and cavernous lows, with only a small amount of even ground in between. But in my wardrobe, it was the opposite: another year of muted tones and subtle neutrals. In short, 2019 was the year of beige.
I’ve always found the way that women express themselves through fashion to be a fascinating subject, worthy of (in my opinion) ethnographic study. How we dress tells the world who we are, and who we want to be. Our outfits speak to our fundamental desires, expressing our ideals in silk and wool. But the ideas that we are expressing often get lost in translation. What we want to say is not what others see at a glance, rendering the subject still more complex. I know this because of how often, still, in 2019, despite all of the thoughts I’ve expressed on feminism and sexual harassment and gender equality, all the ways that I have shown myself to be left-leaning and liberal, my neutral outfits are often perceived as conservative. Modest.
And maybe they are those things. But certainly not by design. In my pursuit of sartorial elegance, I have too often gravitated towards clothes that look elegant on people who are not me – only to find out, too late, that I am awkward and uncomfortable in them. In 2018, I got out of my own way, clothing-wise. And in 2019, I embraced that power that comes from knowing exactly what works for my wardrobe. And letting go of the illusions I’d attached to things that don’t.
…not to mention that dressing for sex is utterly beside the point. I figured that out years ago.
That’s not to say that I got everything right in 2019. I still find myself buying clothes for my fantasy life, faux fur coats and boots that will rarely see the light of day. (I should really be investing more in loungewear, since it has become my defacto work uniform.) But even in my fantasy life, now, the clothes I wear are the ones that suit me – not the idea of who I want to be, but the real person who is never going to have the growth spurt she’s been dreaming of since eight grade. In that sense, 2019 was not a year of growth or change. It was a year of settling in, getting comfortable and embracing clothing for what it is, not what it could be.
With any luck, in 2020, I’ll be able to extend that ethos to the rest of my life, and embrace it for what it is, instead of what it could be, too.
Happy New Year!
I think you’ve arrived at an absolutely wonderful place in terms of having an empowering wardrobe (not an easy thing to achieve, really). This is definitely an area that I need to work a bit more on in my own life in that, while I’ve pretty much determined what works for me and what I like, I still find myself fleetingly captivated by things that decidedly don’t work, spending money on them, and then feeling disappointed. Maybe 2020 will be the year that I both turn 40 and finally get out of my own way…
Courtney ~ Sartorial Sidelines
I love seeing how your style has evolved over the years, and there is something to be said for dressing in a way that reflects who you are over who you want to be. I’m still longing for the clothes of the fantasy life, but maybe I just need to focus on making the life I have the life I want, rather than just shopping for it.
Happy New Year, Cee! Can’t wait to see what 2020 brings!