In Defense of Imperfection

H&M sweater
Aritzia culottes (similar)
Mango heels
Louis Vuitton handbag
Vintage scarf (similar)
Celine sunglasses
Urban Outfitters earrings
Location: Piazza del Carmine – Florence, Italy

I remember the year 2010. I’ve had the past on my mind a lot lately, but the year 2010 is particularly important because in 2010, I launched Coco & Vera, in my living room, using Blogger’s Simple Template. There was no instagram at that time; the very concept of it would have puzzled me. The fact that I hadn’t gotten around to repainting the green accent wall in the living room of my not-entirely-new-to-me-anymore condo didn’t matter, because it was rare that we took photos of or in our home. Imperfection and lack of colour coordination were the order of the day – we had what we could afford, which in terms of home decor was a lot of hand-me-downs. My wardrobe was not much different.

There is no doubt that I always aspired to own beautiful, flawless things – to decorate my home in all white; to dress in cashmere, silk and leather. But I didn’t own an iPhone in 2010. I wasn’t yet under metaphorical fire, constantly bombarded by images of beautiful outfits and home and accessories owned by strangers. So I felt I could wait for what I wanted – I could work hard for promotion in my career, save pennies from my slowly increasing income and work towards what I wanted. I felt like I had time. My present state of imperfection was fine, because I would eventually get to where I wanted to be.

Social media has enriched my life in many ways. I could list them all, but that isn’t really the point I want to make. While I was busy making friends and sharing photo and, admittedly, living some quite incredible experiences as a result of the connections I’d made, everything seemed to accelerate. Suddenly, the photos I saw every day weren’t just quick snapshots taken on iPhones. They looked professional, many of them even better than in the fashion magazines I’d almost given up reading – who needs to wait a month for new editorials, after all, when you have them at your fingertips immediately? Every outfit was immaculately styled, every background white and bright, every home perfectly curated. Far from being daunted, it renewed my determination. I could have everything I wanted, and I could have it now. After all, everyone else seemed to…

For years, the bombardment of beautiful images serves as fuel to the fire of my determination to make my life look as lovely and immaculate as possible. I was never patient, but my sense of urgency heightened to entirely new levels. I wanted everything now. We painted that green wall white. And then all the cupboards. And then the bathroom. We moved to a new apartment that was just generally more aesthetically pleasing, and near prettier photo locations. I insisted on seeking out coffeeshops with white tabletops with an enthusiasm that bordered on absurdity, particularly because I don’t actually drink coffee. My list of criteria for perfect photos grew longer and longer – no cars parked on the street, no people in the background, no coloured walls…

It all seemed to make sense, in the moment, but when I describe it all at once, I realise how crazy it sounds – particularly to 2010 me. The restrictions just kept adding up, until eventually, a little over a year ago, I realised I couldn’t keep up with myself.

…and then, more recently, I asked myself why I wanted to.

The fact is that I wasn’t less happy because of the imperfection of my often unphotogenic life in 2010. That life wasn’t better or worse than the one I live now, it was just different. While I came to that realisation belatedly, I’m here now. Back then, I didn’t make decisions about where to go for coffee or where to live based on aesthetic considerations, and I still enjoyed the hot beverages I drank; I still lived a good life in my home. In many ways, I love the way I’ve curated my life – but I also recognise that there is value in simply living life, and leaning into the imperfection of it, no matter how it looks in pictures. And that’s an idea I feel ready to embrace wholeheartedly.

Imperfection, aesthetic or otherwise, is part of life. Often, it is the most interesting part. There is more bare wall than paint left on the building in these photos – but the patina gave it character. I have ankles covered in mosquito bites, but I didn’t bother to remove them when I edited the photos, because mosquito bites, like the bandaids on my blisters, are facts of my imperfect life and everyone else’s, too. In 2010, it would never have occurred to me to try to hide them. Now, I’m making a conscious choice not to.

It’s not 2010 anymore. I find it hard to imagine my life without an iPhone. I chose a colour scheme for my new apartment and I’ve stuck to it. My wardrobe is made up only of clothes I love, almost all of which I’ve bought myself. Some of that is a simple result of growing up. But a lot of it has to do with the fact that I’ve spent eight years making my life into a brand, without knowing ahead of time what the potential implications of that could be. Social media is such a significant part of our lives now, but the reality is that it is a new world we are all still learning to navigate. And I’m ready to take a different path through it. A path that is more grounded in reality, however that looks in pictures.

Even if those pictures happen to have cars in the background.