It’s not easy to change the habits of a lifetime. But, under the right circumstances, with the right motivation, a leopard can change it’s spots – I know, and not just because I happen to have acquired an adorable leopard print silk tank from Sezane. Today, I have a bit of a confession to make. Two years ago, I was diagnosed with iron deficiency anemia. This was absolutely no surprise; frankly, it’s surprising it didn’t happen sooner. I’ve been a fussy eater all my life, and never shied away from simply going without eating if there wasn’t anything I liked available. Carbohydrates and sweets have been perpetual favourites; pasta is my number one comfort food, followed closely by chocolate. After two years of taking iron pills, I felt good. My hair, which had thinned considerably when my iron levels hit rock bottom, had filled out again to a degree. I had more energy. I rarely took spontaneous naps after work. I agreed with my doctor that it was time to check my iron levels. But then I hesitated. I sat on the requisition for the blood test for almost two months, worried that the results might show no progress at all. They didn’t really have a right to show any progress – aside from taking iron pills I had done nothing, not a single thing, to improve my diet. And I knew it. I work in the health insurance industry, and spend eight hours a day, five days a week, talking with people who are sick or injured, many of whom have become that way because of choices they’ve made in their diets. I know about nutrition, I read articles about research into the effects of refined sugar on our bodies and yet, somehow, I had convinced myself that none of it really applied to me. All of that information that I was so keenly aware of somehow, I had told myself, only applied to other people. I could eat whatever I wanted, as long as I did it in moderation. So naturally, I ate moderate amounts of pasta, rice, vegetables, English muffins, chocolate, apples and peanuts. And suddenly, considering the possibility of what my blood test results might show, I realized how utterly ridiculous that was. Four weeks ago today, I told myself to grow up. It wasn’t an easy thing to hear, but I listened. Every day hasn’t been perfect, but I’m proud to say that I get up every morning and make myself a bowl of oatmeal after yoga. Oatmeal isn’t the most amazing thing I’ve ever tasted, but I’m never starving halfway through the morning anymore. My mid-morning cup of raspberry-flavoured yogurt is plain Greek yogurt with raspberries and cashews now. And the list of small changes goes on. I admit, I’ve had a few chocolates. But I’ve also eaten eggs – lots of them – because they’re good for my health and I don’t have to love everything I put in my mouth as long as it’s full of nutrients I need. As for the blood test? I finally had it done. I was apprehensive before my appointment, and anxious until I got the results. The good news is: no more anemia! When I saw the doctor this week, the diagnosis was officially removed from my chart. But it was done with cautious optimism. I still have a long way to go to be able to maintain my iron levels without taking a iron pill every day. I’m changing my spots, but becoming someone who eats for their health and not for temporary happiness. As I sit here, typing the end of this post, I wonder why I felt so compelled to share this particular story – and when I think about it, it’s because changing my diet was almost like overcoming fear. If I really reflect on it, I realize that my fussy eating habits have always been fear-based. From the time I was little, I avoided foods I didn’t like the look of – broccoli, shrimp, eggs, beans, tofu, beef, and the list goes on. Every food time I’ve eaten a new food in the past four weeks, I’ve overcome a little bit of fear. And overcoming those little fears has me thinking about all kinds of bigger things I could do – wear flats! cut my hair short! go without make-up! The whole experience has been surprisingly liberating. What I’ve learned (aside from the fact that my gag reflex isn’t nearly as strong as I thought) is a little change opens up a lot of possibilities, and that’s an amazing thing. It’s like Jack Canfield said,
“Everything you want is on the other side of fear.”
I’m so glad I have you all hear to share these crazy, silly stories with – it amazes me that you keep coming back three times a week to see what I’m wearing and read these thoughts that I have. I hope you’ll hold me accountable for what I’ve shared today. (If you start seeing lots of croissants and donuts pop up on my instagram feed, give me a nudge.) And I hope you’ll share your stories too. Food and our relationships with it are such a complex things, but those complexities are what make it, and make us, so interesting! Love you all.
Désolée pour le manque de traduction aujourd’hui mais bon, voila, je suis une paresseuse terrible – je vous promets que je reviens en français lundi ! Gros bisous !
